Ramblings of a Former Madman

Join my mailing list and receive the first chapters of my new book I Almost Murdered a Complete Stranger, set to release Summer 2018. You’ll also find musings, gripping stories, sardonic commentary and (questionable) life advice.

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

The Best and Worst Blind Date of Your Life


Imagine this: You are set up for a blind date, but no one tells you about it. It’s a total surprise.

You meet this person, chosen specifically for you. Suddenly, something awesome and mysterious happens, commanding the attention of your entire being.

You receive a glimpse of paradise.

Realizing you are no longer doomed to endure an ordinary life like other boring normal people, you experience excitement and joy unlike any you had previously known.

It’s rapturous.

Where have you been all my life?


You experience the manifestation of a being, an entity who carries you away on a mystical journey. You‘re exalted to experience a knowledge of the divine.

This is real.

You‘ve been chosen.

This doesn’t happen to just anybody. You’ve been given a unique genetic fingerprint, an ancient one few share, privileged to experience blissful, sublime ecstasy: a heavenly world of magnificent delight.

Yes, you were born with it. You came into this world fully equipped for this experience. You haven’t been given something that was missing. You just needed something to activate something within you already present.

You’re an alcoholic.



If you’re an alcoholic, you know exactly what I‘m talking about. There isn’t an alcoholic on this planet that doesn’t remember their first drink.

If you’ve been blighted as merely a normal person, you have no damn idea.

I’m sure you’re saying to yourself:

“Jim, you’re fucked in the head. Alcoholism isn’t a being or a Person much less an entity. It’s a noun. Just a thing, a state or condition. Everyone knows this!”

Well, if you’re so smart normie, do you remember exactly how you felt 40 years ago? Where you were or who was there? 30 years ago? Even 20 years ago?

I didn’t think so.

I remember all of those things and much more, specifically on September 22nd, 1974. Explain that. How is that possible?

All that happened to me was a chemical ingestion of a thing. Only alcohol, right? I simply have a condition, after all! 

I’m sorry, my normal friend, but as far as I’m concerned, you are dead wrong. I had an encounter with a living entity, a Person with intention.

Not that it matters. It’s just semantics on my part… self-important, grandiose thinking, right?

Well, you can keep those incorrect beliefs and it won’t matter to you. Unless you know an alcoholic. Perhaps you love an alcoholic. Maybe they are your spouse or child.

Then it matters.



It matters because of this Person – this Stranger to you – has only one ultimate intention for the alcoholic in your life: to murder them.

Statistically, there’s a 95% chance He’ll succeed. Brace yourself for the inevitable funeral.


I hope you’ve enjoyed the introduction because this bastard is the reason all this is happening. I’ll be expanding more on the entity of The Stranger in the future. If you’d like to learn more, click here to read about my story and the book I’m currently forcing out of my head.

Ramblings of a Former Madman

Join my mailing list for satirical musings, gripping stories, indelicate but often hilarious commentary, and (questionable) life advice.

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.