Ramblings of a Former Madman

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How to Fuck up your Holidays: Wisdom of the Ages

Earlier this week we learned without question, the wisest thing to do this holiday season is enjoying yourself and start drinking. Implicit with this decision is that you’ll be fucking up your family’s holidays which may in turn ruin yours.

These tips are from years of personal experience, along with the anonymously shared insight of hundreds. Centuries of wisdom are within. Why, I had to quite literally, drink myself to death to acquire mine.

How to Fuck up your Holidays: Decisions, Decisions

Thanksgiving is over, thank God. That’s the shittiest holiday. It shouldn’t even count as one; it’s just a very long day.

All that’s behind you because the Holiday Season is upon us! You now have a decision to make…

DESPAIR: abandon all hope and you will die

Despair. Like the other three, Despair will be alongside you for life.

Well, a more accurate term would be, “Until your death” as life implies a long time. You don’t have much time at all comrade, but don’t take it so hard.

In the long run, we are all dead.

You just crossed the finish line before most, that’s all.

TERROR: the prick of the herd

Congratulations, doomed comrade!

You successfully drank yourself comatose once again, just a few hours ago. It’s time for your wake up call.

“Consciousness. Damn it!”

What did you expect? You have only oblivion, the vast blackness of night surrounding you…

You’re So Screwed: All you need to know about the Four Horsemen of Alcoholism

The Four Horsemen of Alcoholism.

They’re the equine-riding demons that devour your mind, will and emotions (and your soul a little later).

This is not a voluntary ride.

Ramblings of a Former Madman

Join my mailing list for satirical musings, gripping stories, indelicate but often hilarious commentary, and (questionable) life advice.

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